Do other Magic-Users snigger at your flaccid spellbook?

Do you suffer performance anxiety as a Referee?

Do your players complain about the abbreviated delivery of your cantrips?

Well fret no more, for you hold in your hands the big one, the A5 blue pill designed to help you get over the hump of thaumaturgic dysfunction. This manual of tumescent magic is designed to satiate the cosmic desires of those with even the most discriminatory tastes. Avoid getting into the pickle of slipping boring sorcery into your game, avoid the commonplace boner of not having an unusual new spell in hand during a sticky situation, and avoid premature conjurations, all with the help of this one weird tome!

Like Vaginas are Magic before it, James Edward Raggi VI's Eldritch Cock will thrust the powers of measureless wonder onto the magic members of your adventures. Reproducing the wildest moments you've ever imagined and bringing them off in your game will be simple after injecting those meaty incantations into your campaign repertoire.

Inside this eight and one half inches of hard covers are 22 penetrating new spells that can be used with any traditional role-playing game rules, guaranteed to help you become the cock of the walk, have the stroke in your local community, and finish off the curse of bad, boring wizardry forever!